Better Without you

I dared to step out
out of this shell I've hid in far too long
I stepped on the sand
without you
I stood in the water
my hands hugging me tightly
I inhaled the ocean air deeply
my soul came back to life
my eyes saw clarity
without you
i found myself again
without you
it is way far much better
I went back to the places we were
without you
I made new memories
I thought it was black and white
but without you
I scream at the top of my lungs
because my eyes now see the grey areas
you don't know
till it happens to you
without you
it happened to me
am held
held even when everything falls
I didn't know who I was without you
but now I do because am in better hands now
without you
I dared to stand where we stood
without you

You called me today

my mitten fingers
struggled to press the right buttons
as your voice filled my ears
and the memories all came back
one by one
tears welled up my eyes
sadness seized my soul
you convinced me
told me your story
and I knelt beside my bed
hands buried in my head
on the other side
lost and confused
and listened
to those words I've heard all my life
out of respect I listened
and my heart broke again
over and over
and I was lost
and you had to go
when you come tomorrow
I want to have found myself
and know what to say
only the right thing
by God
but
you must have remembered me
you must have thought of me

Heart

I tripped & fell
I shouldn't have fallen you see
I should've decided
I fell and stayed down
usually I wouldn't you see
'stead I'd have gotten up
and dusted off
but down I stayed
then one day I got up
my heart still aches you see
but my been up gives me strength
strength to not look below but beyond
strength to look ahead
not behind
strength to desire
to remain standing
until if ever again I can make a decision
'stead of taking a hard fall